Bits and pieces of love

What else can i do to be enough for you?

Dye my hair your favourite colour? Lose more weight? What can i do to fit into your standers? Sway around you like the moon does around the sun?

What can i do to make you choose me? Be more like her and less like me? What can i do to make you love me, write more love poems about a love that you never gave me, or about the suffering I’ve put myself into by loving you more than myself?

I once told you that i wanna love you to the point hating yourself is no longer an option, but you untied me and cut me out like a tailor unties his knots.

Tell me what else should i do to make you love me, eat less? Dress more feminine? What else should i do?

I can’t make you love me, and i can’t unlove you, you’re not a text that i can delete and change its letters, you’re not a page i can burn, you’re the whole damn book.

I ran out of words and letters, i ran out of tears

While you were playing around and making jokes about how stupidly i am in love with you, i was knitting roads with my barehands to reach you, to talk to you , i was soaking the tears in, in fears that if i cried over you that’d get you out of my system.

Intoxicate me baby, im addicted to the pain you make me feel, kill every cell in my body if that would make you stay, burn my heart and use my blood as a fuel to burn and crash my whole world if that would mean you’d touch my skin and print a kiss on my lips.

Intoxicate me one last time, intoxicate me with your lies and with your daily goodbyes, the goodbyes that make me sober enough every time you say them-Sober enough to feel all the pain, to feel it all to that point where i wanna take the blades and cut my veins out, cut them out in order to feel something, to feel some other kind of pain that isn’t caused by you.

I keep humming your favourite songs, and the unsaid words, the unmade promises and all of your unsaid i love you’s that i hoped you’d said before you go and fade away, with the air you flew away, and my paper thin world i watched it getting torn to shreds. And like a little kid that lost his favourite toy, i kept looking for you under the ashes and desolation, calling out your name, and singing your favourite song in hopes, one day you decide to come back home, your wrecked home.