She stood next to the half opened door “i can’t do this anymore, i just can’t this is exhausting for me too much for me” she quietly said while looking away, and i couldn’t help but feel a burden, i couldnt help but feel like I’m way too much to the point she didn’t even wanna look in my eyes.
And i suddenly chugged on all the love poetry i wrote her, all the love words i wanted to tell her, and all the hugs and cuddles i wanted to give her, but in a moment she took it all away, and i chugged and couldn’t even build a proper sentence, i kept looking at her face in hopes i find anything any damn reaction but i couldn’t i failed to read her, the way i failed to make stay-despite all the effort, all the reasons i tried to give her to stay, she still chose the damn mansion over the cave i built for her with my barehands.
“Look me in the eyes and tell me to leave” i managed to say after a while of overthinking every word, and in that moment she turned her face to mine and told me to leave, she told me to leave and i obeyed, with the same barehands i built a cave for her i found myself collecting all the love, but it was too much that bits and pieces fell to the floor making a huge echo behind and yet, she didn’t even look one last glance at me.
I felt my heart dropping and breaking to pieces but i promised her that im okay, i even managed to fake a smile to convince her that im okay, how can i not? If it makes her happy, then my happiness does not matter.
She kissed me though, she kissed me one last time and i tasted heaven and hell at once; heaven because they are devine and hell because i knew it in my bones that this would be the last time I’d taste them, bittersweet kiss that burned my whole world down with an excuse that it would warm me up, but instead i found myself burning begging for the world to make my pain stop, but it never did, so instead i let it hurt me and fuck me up to the point i got used to it.
And the worst part my dear, is i really wished and hoped i even prayed for you to be different for you to be the one who’d heal and not sabotage, for you to be the one who’d stay and not the one who’d run away.
I promised I’ll forever remember you the way i first met you, and that that will never change, I’ll never be the one who breaks their promises, I’ll hold on so tight to the idea of you to the impression i got about you when i first hugged and smelled you, you’ll always be a whole damn planet on your own, but i might be that one of your moons that eventually got tired of spinning around you or perhaps im nothing but a star that eventually died and it spark faded away with dust and air it mixed and died the final death.
If only i weren’t such a lovesick loon, maybe then you would’ve seen me differently.
Bittersweet love 