You once told me your favourite song, and how you know the lyrics by heart, how you listen to that one specific Arab singer when you’re deeply sad, how much you liked me and despised my writings about you.
You once told me you never did me wrong, but yet you’ve never felt more guilty, and how someone broke your heart the way you did to mine, and how i was nothing but a phase-perhaps.
You once told me the meaning of your name, and how my family too wanted to name me that name, you told me how you still mourn over the breakup of specific celebrities, and we laughed about it.
We stayed up all night, you telling me the story of how you found out that you fell in love with your bestfriend, and how i never truly experienced love at its finest; you took a deep breath then, and said i deserve the world, and i smiled like a kid.
You once said that i deserve the world, yet all you ever did was crash my world to halves.
I remember that rainy night in April when you whispered through the phone how you wanted to love me so good yet all what you’ve done is taking my love and running to give it to someone else.
We stayed up all night complaining about past relationships, and how bad they treated me, how they cheated on me and made me feel like an option only for you to fucking do me even worse than they did, only for you to fucking destroy and step on my heart, the heart that gave you more than a million chance.
The heart that once decided to love and cherish you, and i thought you were a sinner to the church that i once opened in my heart, only to worship you, but maybe you’ve always been an atheist.
You once whispered how much you hate flowers, although its the meaning of your name.
Only if you were just as tender my dear, I’ve always thought you were a blue rose but you’ve always been Oleander-just as beautiful and as toxic.
You intoxicated me slowly, and i fell for it, made sure to keep it summer in my heart so you’d never die, made sure that the weather will always be perfect for you in order to live and survive, and you kept feeding on my love, and i kept reaping your toxicity, without hesitating.
You kept going further with the ways you tortured me, as if you were begging winter to come.
And the further you went, i noticed each day how your petals started to fall down, i even tried to stop autumn-never been more attached to toxicity.
Til one day, you decided to break what’s left of my heart, intoxicating what’s left of good soil in me, and winter came along raining, and i was standing there, grieving how it’s killing you slowly.
After months of begging winter not to come, and begging you to stop intoxicating me, i held whats left of your petals, and dug a grave where i once planted my love for you, and like a merciless god, i threw you in
No guilt, no shame, i buried the dead petals-just as dead as my feelings, and swore I’ll never look at them again, nor visit the grave.
And i walked away, for the first time, i walked away, even though I told you it will always be a see you later and never a goodbye, but how can it not be a goodbye, if i cant remember one good thing you did to me?
You were nothing but a toxic kind of flowers, and i was nothing but a helpless lover that you’ve pushed away with your actions, and now you’re not even a memory.
It’s like we never even met, its like I’ve always made you up.
You’ve always been an idea, and your love has always been a myth.
Bittersweet love 