I’ve always been a no.

You say you don’t wanna leave, you say im a delusional

You say you’re just friends, and its all a made up scenario in my head

You say you care, and i live in such a denialism

You say you love me, and im an illusional for not believing

You say, you say im the only one, when you’ve got others crowded around you, idolising you, and cherishing you; when i was the only one who worshipped you.

You say you can’t imagine your life without me, yet you can’t imagine a life with me.

You say, said and still saying a lot of stuff, some stabbed my heart like a knife, and others mended my soul like an ointment.

You say you care, yet all you showed me is the exact opposite.

You say, you never wanna leave me side, yet all you ever did was making me live in fears- fears of not being good enough, fears of abandonments.

You made me live in fears, fears of losing what was never meant to be mine.

How can i be so naïve, naïve to the point that im fighting for something that never wanted to be mine, something that enjoyed seeing me in so much pain, with bloody hands in battlefields, defending a property that never belonged to me.

When I’ve been so caught up to find a yeses to continue, you’ve been looking for no’s, I’ve always been a no you want to hear.